That Girl's Testimony

My name is Samantha. And here is my promised testimony (only a month or so later than previously predicted ;)

Growing up I was your average, everyday girl. I was a happy child with loving parents, a fun (if not sometimes abusive :D) older brother, and an extended family that was pretty close. We were not a church-going family. I first learned what death was at age five and was deathly (pun intended) afraid of it from that day on. I didn't want to cease to exist. It was scary to me. As I grew older, to put it bluntly, I grew larger. I hated the way I looked but I turned to food for comfort. Friends that I once had in elementary school were quick to abandon me in Junior High for more popular and pretty friends, and I, I continued to eat. In eighth grade I was so depressed that I planned to kill myself, going so far as to put a hanger around my neck, but it broke. I eventually for whatever reason (God's reason) just started to get a bit happier every day, I found some good friends, and moved on with life. In 9th grade I had a destructive relationship with a boy a smidgen older than me but still in my grade. He... was not a horrible person, but nor was he a saint. I was the typical dumb girl, thinking we were meant to be together forever, but it ended all too soon. But then drug on over the course of the next year and a half as a friends-with-benefits-maybe-one-day-we'll-get-back-together-thing (and yes, I am still a virgin, my definition of friends with benefits is that of making out excessively.) Sophomore year, was.... wretched. I spiraled back down into depression. I began drinking.
And yet, with God's good grace He had placed in my life a friend and a cousin that were instrumental in me being saved. My cousin, Grace, got me my first Bible in 8th or 9th book and I finally began exploring it in Sophomore year. My friend, Hannah, an avid church-goer and lover of Jesus introduced me to a series of books called My Name is Chloe by Melody Carlson. One night, in June the summer after my sophomore year, while I was re-reading the first book of the series and I got to the part where she gets saved, I felt a pressure to dig out my Bible. And for the life of me I can't remember what I read, but it just finally clicked. And by myself, alone in my room, I asked Jesus into my heart (and actually felt the Holy Spirit come upon me as soon as I had prayed my prayer.) Life has never been the same since.

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I’ve never seen
I am changing: less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

I was pretty hush-hush about the whole thing until I told my cousin one day in July-ish. She told my aunt and her whole family was so excited (they are the only really strong believers in my entire family on my dad's side.) So they took me out for a celebratory dinner and I was forced to tell my parents why (they didn't handle it too well.)

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in You

As Junior year went on I kind of floated along how I would have normally until I went to a meeting for First Priority (a Christian club at my school). There I met Casey and became friends with her and slowly, painstakingly began to shed who I WAS. Even then though, I was having some severe issues with who I was until I came to another complete breaking point.
Hannah had moved on and I didn't know why. I told her to never worry about me anymore because I would be fine all alone (yes, what a pity party!) She had me over to her house and we had it out, crying, words, all of it. She forced me to open my eyes and figure out who I am in Christ. With verses and words of encouragement I began a long journey that leads me to where I am today. With key events in my life such as my baptism, Acquire the Fire, strengthening my friendships with Casey and Rebecca, leaving behind destructive friendships, I have grown into the young woman of God I am today.

There’s distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it’s easier to stay
But I’ve heard rumors of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

If I could tell you one thing about what I've learned thus far on my walk with Jesus (well I can't really choose, but I do want to mention this) is that it never is perfect. We are never perfect. Temptations of old are never really completely gone. They lay dormant until the enemy chooses to attack us. But if we hold on, really hold on, to Jesus and chase after His heart for us, we'll make it through. The path we choose is far from easy, but its rewards are eternal. The world tells us how crazy we are. How many times have I been asked "How come you don't drink anymore?" How many times have I been told "You are so dumb for not cursing anymore, God doesn't care that much." And how many times have I been condescendingly told that what I believe is "nice?" Too many times to count my dear sisters. But even through it all, I'm firm in my faith, I know what we believe is true, and I hold onto all the promises God has for us. There is never a day in which I don't realize how different me and my fellow believers are from the rest of the world, and there is NEVER a day I'm not thankful for that difference. I LOVE God. I LOVE my life. I'm so thankful that He would save me. The GREAT I AM sent His Son to die for my sins. And you tell me my God isn't loving?

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in You

What I struggle with currently in my on-going battle and this amazing journey is the passion to save the lives around me, especially those of my parents, brother, and other extended family. My heart's cry (as many of you well know) is to share the love of Christ with non-believers. And I won't be stopped, can't be stopped, and will do all I can for the King that saved me. Isn't that the least I can do?

If you read this, wow. You must love me (: or at least love testimonies. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your love and prayers. Thank you my dear sisters in Christ. May we all rejoice together one day in Heaven!!

In His Love,
Samantha

(Lyrics are by Cadia-Shadowfeet)