Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween??

Since I grew up in a non-believing home I have always celebrated Halloween. I remember the great anticipation of the days leading up to the night of candy, costumes, and family/friend time. Never in all my 12 years of trick-or-treating did I believe that I was worshiping Satan. Nor did I ever have satanic thoughts. Nor did I ever believe I was going to become the thing of which I was dressing up to be. I turned out to be a Bible-believing Christian after years of witch costumes, pumpkin costumes, clown costumes, etc.

So why do I now question whether or not when I'm older if I'll let my children (if I ever do get married and have children) get dressed up and go trick-or-treating?
Why do I question whether or not I'll let them believe in Santa Clause?
Why am I now forced to question whether or not I'll give them money for their baby teeth and say it was the tooth fairy?

What are wrong with these traditions as long as you keep in your heart and at the fore-front of your mind the one true King, Jesus Christ?

Apparently my up-bringing and family traditions are at odds with Christian values.
So what do I do?

All I know is that tonight, I'm dressing up as a butterfly and I'm going to a "Harvest Party" and I wonder, what in the world is the difference? Dress it up however you like... Harvest Parties are Halloween in sheep's clothing. But if it makes you feel better to call it something else, then go for it.

-End Soap Box-

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

So.. I Met This Man...

All right ladies. I have a confession to make (well... and males, but no males ever post on my blog so I'm just assuming my readership is of the female kind.) I met this man... Well, I've known him for awhile... but I'm really getting to KNOW him lately. He's been such a good guy. He cares about my heart. He cherishes the time we spend together. He's full of wisdom. He listens reallly well. His advice has been perfect. He fights for my heart. Holds me so sweetly in his arms. His whispers have the power to heal my soul. His voice lulls me to sleep. He's the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I can NOT get him outta my head. He's EVERYWHERE. He's with me in all of my classes, He goes to Impact with Synergy with me. He spends time with me when I'm at my aunt's and when I'm hanging out with my friends. And I NEVER get tired of him. He's perfect, he's "the one."

He goes by the name of Jesus, I wonder... do you know Him?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I'm Walking on Sonshine, wooooah!

Truly, these past three days have been overly delightful. Never mind the fact that homework is quite a bother and I'm severely tired of my Economics class (mostly because of my creepy teacher, but that is another blog for another moment.) I have been blessed by so many people. Blessed by God. I'm living in the moment, breath by breath. Dancing around in the cold weather, wrapped in my warm scarf, coffee in one hand, friends' hands in the other. I'm smiling as I feel God's love poured upon me. My heart stretches to capacity as I anticipate the journey I am beginning with Him. A journey of Him and I, just the two of us. He has separated me from the most important people in my life, and is showing me that He really can be all that I need. He IS all that I need. He is all that I want.

He's showing me that I have an opportunity to become close with new people. And even though I dread the thought of starting over and trying to forge new paths with new people, I'm finally ready. And I finally feel like it's okay. I know that my family and friends from Lewiston will always mean sooo much to me, and I to them, but we have indeed been separated for the moment, for a reason. We are going down different paths (albeit quite parallel.) It's so much fun and a real blessing for me to watch my friends grow, experience new things, and find their place in this world apart from me and their environment, their place with God.

And now it's my turn. With God guiding my every footstep I'm going to become Samantha in Christ. My faith is going to be my own. My personality will be what my soul has been bursting to be. I am going to go where God wants me to go, even if it's further away from the ones I love. I know I feel pulls and desires for a reason, and I think it's time to give into those desires. I'm tired of playing "good little Christian girl." It was fun for awhile, but complacency is not where my heart is.

I'm dancing around, hurriedly spinning circles, leaping through the air, prancing around, and laughing the whole time. Life is meant to be forward movement. Life is meant to be experienced with joy (true joy that the Cross gives us.) Life is meant to be placed in the Father's hands, for Jesus can give us life, and life abundantly. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, the next day, the week after, or three years down the road. But I know that I'm entering into a relationship focused upon God and Jesus and the Loving Spirit. And I know I've felt this way before, but something is different this time. It's a heart understanding instead of a head understanding.

I'm ready to jump into my Daddy's arms and begin a lifelong journey, an eternal journey with Him. I'm going to become the woman of God that I can, want, should be. I'm gonna find my place in this world, a place that helps advance His kingdom. I'm gonna be more than a bump on a log. I would ask that you would pray for me as I begin my movement forward. It's going to be a scary journey, but an exciting one. And I know the enemy will try to stop me. So prayers would be soo very appreciated.

Hurray, hurray! I'm walking, jogging, running on Sonshine. And my word, it feels good!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Duuude, when you say it like this...

“The Cross was at once the most horrible and the most beautiful example of God’s wrath. It was the most just and the most gracious act in history. God would have been more than unjust, He would have been diabolical to punish Jesus if Jesus had not first willingly taken on Himself the sins of the world. Once Christ had done that, once He volunteered to be the Lamb of God, laden with our sin, then He became the most grotesque and vile thing on this planet. With the concentrated load of sin He carried, He became utterly repugnant to the Father. God poured out His wrath on this obscene thing. God made Christ accursed for the sin He bore. Herein was God’s holy justice perfectly manifest. Yet it was done for us. He took what justice demanded from us.

- RC Sproul, The Holiness of God (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House, 1998), 121.

When put this way... wow, it really makes a person think.
(Emphasis mine.)

Monday, October 13, 2008


I just wanted to mention how much I love my mommy. She is getting all technologically advanced so that we can keep in better contact. She has a MySpace, texts me, sends me pics and videos via our cell phones, these are quite amazing feats for her and I love that she is trying.
And another thing, she totally makes me laugh. She is constantly talking about how I need to get a job so that I can make my car payment. So, I'm getting all these contacts for baby-sitting and what-not, and what does she say? "Well, make sure that you have enough time to do your homework." Haha, that woman, she's a cute one. If I'm not striving for a job I need one, if I'm striving for a job I need to focus on school. Truly, she's a gem. YOU CAN'T HAVE HER ;)
Unless your name is CaseyMay, in which case, I'll share :D


You know what else I love?
You know why? Because when you see that 97% you realize all the studying/worrying/etc. paid off (:


I've decided that over-all in the morning I quite adore Boise State's own Table Rock Cafe (the "snazzy" name for our cafeteria.) It's peaceful, no screaming college kids in the morning. They have the best yogurt and granola ever. You get to see the football players in all their non-football glory (meaning, they aren't big men on campus when bleary-eyed and hungry like everyone else.) It's simply, lovely. (:

One thing I could do without?
Pajamas. I have decided that I am really not a fan of people in their pajamas. I guess I just don't like to see what people sleep in (unless of course I've known you for longer than a period of two seconds.)


Thursday, October 9, 2008


Sometimes her heart hurts so much she can only fake a smile.
Sometimes her heart is so happy she lights up the room with her smile.
Sometimes her heart hurts so much she can only dream of sleeping.
Sometimes her heart is so happy that her dreams become those of her Father.
Sometimes her heart hurts so much she cries tears and nobody notices.
Sometimes her heart is so happy that she'll laugh until she cries.
Sometimes her heart hurts so much she wonders if she'll make it to tomorrow.
Sometimes her heart is so happy that she can ponder happily the next 60 years.

This is the drowning sorrow of depression.
This is the joyful freedom of the Cross.

These are the two forces that battle for her soul daily.

Guess who won the battle today?
Thankfully she can remember Who will win the war.

Sami is

It could be due to the fact that I baby-sat two childrens with colds. Or the fact I only got three hours of sleep last night. Or the fact I didn't write a five-page paper until this morning at 4:00 am and was completely stressed out.

(: Take your pick!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Shack

I read The Shack by William Young over the weekend. Really amazing and fantastic book. I highly recommend it.

I'm writing a quite lengthy post, so I will post it once I finish it.

I will try to comment all of you lovely people out in blog-land ASAP.

Right now I'm barely keeping my head above water though :P

Praying for you and thinking of you often!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

My heart's current cry.

The Reality of Being Fake.

I walk by you, you don't notice. I smile, you don't see the sadness. I laugh, you don't see the tears. I tell you what you want to hear, you don't see through my lies. I dance, you can't see that my heart isn't in it. I breathe, you don't see the pain it causes me. I reach out, and you pull away. I turn away and search for Him.

I read the Bible, I'm beginning to question. I pray because I can and should, not because I want to. I'm living the perfect Christian life, my brain KNOWS, but my heart DOESN'T. I am convicted, but don't know what to do about it. I know there's more to this life, but right now I'm dead.

My heart cries out... I don't hear Your answer. I want to stop hurting, You allow the pain to continue. I'm tired of the depression that I just can't beat, You're trying to bring me closer, I'm only pulling away. My faith is dry. You say the faith of a mustard seed; I say what if I have the faith only the size of an electron? Is that enough? You walk toward me, I retreat further into myself. You have a plan, a purpose, a future for me and I can barely make it through the next minute. I asked you to break me, I didn't know it would feel so empty. I didn't know I'd feel so alone. When I call out, I doubt that you hear me. I'm reaching, searching, grasping, will You meet me here?

Can You turn my black roses red? Can You awaken my dead heart? Can You help me breathe? Can You help me understand You? Can I know You better? Can I be the servant You want me to be? Can You forgive me? Can You really be all that I need? Can we just spend some time together?