Tuesday, August 26, 2008

College is the life for me!

College makes me happy. This has got to be the best invention next to electricity (or what-have-you.) I'm enjoying it avidly, meeting tons of people, taking challenging courses (even two Bible courses!!), and having great fellowship with the Christians on campus.

It's been such a whirlwind of activity. Days run into one another and it's hard to believe that tomorrow is only Wednesday.

I don't even know where to start or how to explain my experience so far. It's more than I ever imagined, definitely challenging, but perfect for that reason. I can already feel that I'm going to grow so much.

Word on the campus is that God is going to be doing some big things this year at BSU. I'm hearing it left and right from all sorts of people. This is an exciting thing to be apart of. This is an exciting place to be right now.

Found a Church I really liked and I signed up for children's ministry. Hopefully I will be able to get on there and help out, but if not God will lead me where He wants me to be (:

Other than that, I don't even know. There's just soooo much. I've definitely been reading your blogs, even if I don't get a chance to comment and I'm praying for you - my dear friends in Christ. I think about you often, and hope to get a chance tomorrow or so to catch up and comment.

Love you all!

running after HIS heart,

Friday, August 22, 2008

A mix of emotions.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I said yet another good-bye to my mom on the phone. I stared around my tiny dorm room, my new home and almost lost it. Looking out the window I saw families walking around together. Students that still had their mommy and daddy with them. I thought about how I had to say goodbye days ago, and move myself in with only the help and support of Meghan, a very new friend. What an emotionally and physically taxing day.

"Is it all worth it?" I wondered to myself. Taking a deep breath I packed an overnight bag so I could return to my aunt's house to house-sit for one more night. Feeling guilty and anxious about what I would miss out on that night, it was with some trepidation I locked my room and began the 5 minute trek to my car. Relief began to flow from my body with each step closer to my car. Steps that would take me to a safe place, and a safe place that would take me to a house I can call home.

The drive was peaceful. The sun was setting over the Treasure Valley. As I looked up and in front of me I was reminded of how God is so completely in control. He has a plan for me to be here. He has hands that are guiding my every step. He has love that will fill up any hole that needs repair. My God, is a great, big, loving, perfect God. And as I observed the bustle of my new home, my beautiful city, I smiled, a truly joyful smile.

It is indeed all worth it.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

So it turns out...

It turns out that I skipped that whole freakishly upset part (see post two below.) Right now, I'm perfectly happy and content. I have had a few moments where I get sad and I've cried twice, but really... I'm not overly emotional. I don't know if that's because I'm in denial, or if I'm really okay, but it sure is nice not to be a complete wreck.

I'm absolutely loving Boise. Been hanging out with my auntie and my older cousin Chris and his girlfriend Ash and their baby boy Braydon (he's soo cute!) Plus, the friend I made when I came down for orientation, we got together today and had fun (: So perhaps keeping busy helps.

Tomorrow I move into my dorm and Meghan (above friend) is going to help me. What an exciting time! But also nervewracking. With God, anything and everything is possible and okay lol.

I went to a Church all by myself on Sunday (yes I am a big kid now.) It was nice, but weird to be shopping for a church to call home. I won't be able to church hop down here, I'll need to find one really good one that feels right. What a daunting task. But the Lord will lead me to where He wants me to be. And it will be sooo nice to finally have a Church family. I've never known what that is like.

I pray you all have been well! I miss you guys but you are in my daily thoughts and prayers.

Running after His Heart,
Samantha Marie

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Oregon Washington Future

I love the west coast of Oregon and Washington. It's so green. It's weird to be in a city and yet soo surrounded by forest.

Beautiful and perfect.

I never want to leave <3

And yet tomorrow begins the journey home... home is a loosely translated word. Home for a few more days, then onto a new home. A home of nothing solid, yet everything to come. My future, blank canvas, ready for that first splash of color.
Stuck in motion.
I've been thinking (not seriously) of running away for a year, to just be. Be somewhere. Be someone. Be nowhere. Be noone. The possibilities of this life, truly are limitless. Who says I have to go to college, who says I need to live a certain somewhere?
There is much to be discovered about this beautiful world. God created a breathtaking masterpiece, and I have seen only the most minute portion. I'm yearning for more.
Yearning for less.
Yearning to be content.

Friday, August 8, 2008


In this moment.

I'm freakishly content.

Seven days from now?
I'll be freakishly upset.
The difference....
...one week...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


Everyone going somewhere.
Nobody with nowhere to go.
I like airports (:

Purposeful, with a destination.

Something that totally makes sense.
Something tangible.
Something that isn't confusing.
Point A to Point B.

Airports are my kind of thing (:

No second guessing here, no wandering, no wondering. Love it.

Peaceful, me and my laptop, me and my music, me, alone and happy.

Friday, August 1, 2008


"I was finally able to doze off because I knew you were coming over. I knew I wasn't alone."

These words were spoken to me by a good friend who is going through a really recent, really rough break-up. Obviously, she hasn't been able to sleep, because of all the pain. She was saying how weird it is to be alone.

Once you are part of a two-some for an extended period of time, it begins to define you. That alone, should not make you the person that you are, but it is a large part of you no matter how much you spin it. We can try to pretend a relationship is just a relationship, but I think most married couples, and most serious relationshippers would tell us that a large part of you is defined by your relationship. So when that ends, the whole definition of your life changes.

Why do we want to be held? Why do we yearn for a space (typically a body of the opposite sex) to fill a void? Why do we want someone to listen to us? Why do we want someone to tell us everything is going to be all right? Why do we have family? Why do we have friends? Why do we go through messy relationships?

Why? Because, we don't want to be alone. We all just want to know that if we were to die, someone would notice. We just want to know that if we were hurt, someone would be there. We just want to know that if we had exciting news, we would be able to share it with someone. Humans were designed for relationships. And in a world where it's a struggle each and every day, we need people on our side for encouragement, love, and laughter for when the going gets tough. God gave us the beautiful gift of love.
1 Cor 13:13 says " But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love" and John 13:34 says "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another."
I adore relationships, find them fascinating, enjoy my own, deeply believe they are vital to life. But I especially love John 13:34 because Jesus is calling us to love one another as He has loved us. The Son of the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE loves us, loves us deeply, knows us perfectly, knows what our hearts desire, and that truly is the only perfect relationship we can ever have.
I also like that Jesus calls us to love one another how He loves us. That's a tall order (one we cannot fulfill with our own strength and love) but it's a beautiful thing when we love one another like Jesus loves us.

So when people ask me how I can possibly spend so much time listening to people talk about their problems and be there to comfort them and be there at all odd hours of the day and night, well it's because I'm called to do it. And I can think of few better ways to serve the Son than to love His bride the best that I can.

Running after His Heart,