Friday, August 22, 2008

A mix of emotions.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I said yet another good-bye to my mom on the phone. I stared around my tiny dorm room, my new home and almost lost it. Looking out the window I saw families walking around together. Students that still had their mommy and daddy with them. I thought about how I had to say goodbye days ago, and move myself in with only the help and support of Meghan, a very new friend. What an emotionally and physically taxing day.

"Is it all worth it?" I wondered to myself. Taking a deep breath I packed an overnight bag so I could return to my aunt's house to house-sit for one more night. Feeling guilty and anxious about what I would miss out on that night, it was with some trepidation I locked my room and began the 5 minute trek to my car. Relief began to flow from my body with each step closer to my car. Steps that would take me to a safe place, and a safe place that would take me to a house I can call home.

The drive was peaceful. The sun was setting over the Treasure Valley. As I looked up and in front of me I was reminded of how God is so completely in control. He has a plan for me to be here. He has hands that are guiding my every step. He has love that will fill up any hole that needs repair. My God, is a great, big, loving, perfect God. And as I observed the bustle of my new home, my beautiful city, I smiled, a truly joyful smile.

It is indeed all worth it.

3 comments:

Stepheny Weaver said...

I will be praying for you to get through this time. It must be hard! :)

The Lord will help you through.... just keep talking to him when you can't seem to find anyone else!

Steph

Dragonflysoul said...

it IS worth it! i know your heart is heavy right now. missing the special people in your life and the familiarity of your home can be overwhelming. and i know it may seem that the tears will never stop flowing and that lump in your throat will never go away. but i promise you it will! it will. :-)

you are such a sweetheart - and the Lord has so many wonderful people that He will put into your life there. you will soon be one of those people you saw out your window walking around outside with groups of friends, loving friends. you already have one (Meghan), which is such a blessing.

and you of course have the very best Friend anyone could ever have - our precious Lord. may He soothe your heart in those tearful moments when you feel alone and overwhelmed. and may He put a song in your heart, a smile on your face, and joy in your soul every single day.

lastly, thank you so much for your sweet comment on my post. you have such a gift with words. if i were rich, i would hop on a plane and come to Boise today, impose a ridiculous amount of hugs all over you, and then fly back home. thank you so much for praying for me. you really have no idea how much that means to me - and because i know that when you say you're praying, you really are. thank you. stuff's been kinda hard. but i'm trying my best to hold on, clinging to Jesus's hand as the waves crash around me. i know He's here always. thank you for your love, kindness, encouragement, warmth and just general Sami-ness. please know that indeed i am praying for you too. i know that i can't possibly know all the things flowing through you right now, but i will call your name out to the Lord over and over, that you will be lifted up.

i love you too! have a great day!

taekwondochick said...

Wow. That sounds so hard. God will be with you through it all, though! And I'll be praying for you.