Flying home(?) or flying away from home, depending on how you look at things...
She will respond to comments later, and will get caught up on your blogs within the next couple of days.
Stepheny Weaver- I am going to write your letter and send it Monday!! :D
Steph- I am excited you are blogging again!
Everyone else- MUCH LOVE :-D
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Flying home(?) or flying away from home, depending on how you look at things...
Posted by SamanthaMarie at 4:23 PM
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tick-Tock goes the clock as I wait for the time to pass. Seven more hours and I'll be in the airport, waiting for my flight to take me to Lewiston. Nine more hours and I'll be on the airplane that takes me home.
I'm SO excited to see my parents. And I look forward to seeing old friends. Tonight, after I put my parents to bed ;) I am going to see Twilight with my good friend Heather... the midnight premiere of it!! It should be great fun :D I know of a couple other girlfriends that are gonna go to it too. Yay!
But as that is not until much later, I am trying to enjoy my day. Each minute is a precious GIFT and I must rejoice in the day the Lord made. I'm enjoying my time at the Biblical Studies Center. I am going to read part of Pilgrim's Progress, eat a Turkey Dinner for lunch, and then go to my Bible as Literature class. Good fellowship all day long. My heart is leaping.
I truly do love Boise and all that I'm learning. I know that God has me here for a reason. The people that I've met that have been impacting me is so vital in my walk with the Lord. And I really feel like for the first time I'm making a difference for the Kingdom. It's a blessing.
Speaking of blessings, I've been doing this thing that each time I journal I write a list of all of that day's blessings. It is a huge help in reminding me all that I have and it helps me think more of the positive than the negative.
Well, this is a random, quick update, but since I finally had some time I thought I would write a bit.
Hope you all are well.
Posted by SamanthaMarie at 8:44 AM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Writer's block is quite a wretched thing.
Words float around in the brain, eager to be placed in order on paper (or... on blogspot ;) Thus far, my brain has not been able to communicate well with my hands in order to make this happen.
I think I know why.
Sometimes, I wonder why God cares so much.
But... a quick update:
-I taught the toddlers in my church yesterday, it was GREAT (: I love little kids!!
-I went to Disney on Ice with my auntie and her grandson (the best little boy EVER!!!), it was great. I love being a little kid ;)
-I fly home in ten days.
-I have lots of homework to accomplish between then and now.
-I'm jogging/walking with hopes of running again (:
-I am the epitome of a dead broke college student. Donations can be sent to... ;)
-I'm fasting breakfast and dinner today, and all day Wednesday. I would love your prayers as Wednesday will be my first time doing this. And I know it says we should not fast as the pharisees do, but I'm really not asking for your prayers for attention. I believe Satan wishes us to feel like we can't tell anyone when we really do need the encouragement and prayers from other believers. We are a body for a reason (:
-Life is overall good. But I'm dealing with a lot of past issues (or... not dealing) and Jesus is trying to clean out my heart. It's a painful process. But I REALLY am joyful and I REALLY am thankful (:
<3Lotssofloveandprayerss you bloggies!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I need to take a break from the paper that I am writing. So, I'm going to capture some of my college moments for you bloggers with pictures from my cell phone (:
This is where I sleep every night. It's typically not that pretty looking, don't let me fool you (:
This is where I do all my homework, unless I am in the library... speaking of the library...
I have found quite a lovely place to do my hardest work, it's peaceful, very quiet, I love it (: Plus it's on the third floor and after 21, 3 is my favorite number!
In fact, before the library closed I was working diligently on my five-page+ paper for Western History, good times!!
College is NOT all work and no play (it's a lie they try to scare you with, I promise!) Me and my girls have fun...
We bake cookies, and they are absolutely delicious :D
We take crazy pictures in bathrooms!
We play with ponies and elves (:
Football games are a must.
Getting free coffee from Dutch Bros. is a talent (: one I have mastered, yay me!
Sometimes we get owies (I take care of people, don't worry! ;)
We make yummy caramel dipped apples.
We get stuck in rush-hour traffic :P
AND we gets to play with animals :D
College is the life for me. I am certainly blessed. Oh yes (: Hope you enjoy pictures from my life!
My room is messy.
My heart is messy.
My finances are messy.
My relationships are messy.
My body is messy.
My hair is messy.
My college education is messy.
My future is messy.
My present is messy.
My past is messy.
I'm the crazy purple... Jesus is the perfect circle.
I'm a messy, sinful, disgusting human being (even if I choose to draw myself as the bestest color in the world! ;)) And you know how my Father sees me?
You know how? You know why??? Because I'm found in Jesus. I'm made whole in His name. My transgressions are lost in the sinlessness of this Divine Man.
No matter what's going on in my life, no matter how crappy I think I am. No matter my past, my present or my future. I am made WHOLE when found in my Savior.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
This life is crazy my dear friends.
I'm finding more and more that it is quite possible for me to experience absolutely every single emotion in the course of 12 hours. From absolute bliss to contentment. To frustration with my life to praising the Creator for how perfect my life is. Going from a whiny brat to a child flat on her face asking forgiveness. And of course the list goes on.
Yesterday was not the best day for me, and yet in so many ways it was the PERFECT day.
I woke up, wide awake, ready to start the day. Stepped outside of my dorm and the weather was warm. This has been a rarity, especially at 7:30 in the morning. I smiled and trotted along toward my class and enjoyed learning about the next speech we will be producing. Afterward I had breakfast with my friends Matthew and Abby. After Matthew left Abby and I had a delightful and insightful discussion over the struggles women face that are so often seen as only a man's struggle (will post about this another time.) Continuing my day I went back to my dorm spent some time doing nothing too exciting, napped, then went to my Philosophy class. Walking back to my dorm I was struck by how beautiful the campus is. Leaves were swirling around, students were laughing and chatting, workers were clearing the leaves from the pathway, it was so picturesque.
I received a package from one of my dearest and oldest friends from my hometown. Eagerly ripping it open, I pulled out a book and a three-page long letter. Walking around the campus, waiting for a friend to eat lunch with, I pored over the letter. It was straight out of a movie... picture it: A young blonde girl, Freshmen in college, just received a letter from a dear friend of her "past" while waiting for a "new" friend to continue her present with, anyway. The letter spoke of deep heartache, deep questions, and a yearning... a yearning for something more... different. And as I read these broken words I wanted so dearly to just hold her and pray over her and tell her everything would be okay, but I couldn't. And that's when the day began to go downhill.
Thoughts swirled around in my brain - angry thoughts, frustrated thoughts, hopeless thoughts. Where am I? Am I where God wants me to be? If so, why do I feel so helpless? Why do I feel so alone? Why AM I so alone? What is He going to do with my life? Why don't I have the answers? WHY WHY WHY?! These thoughts were penetrating my heart and mind. Thoughts of complete doubt. Sinful thoughts of doubt. And where was I a mere few minutes ago? Completely content with my life and enjoying my life with my Savior. In hindsight, I can see this as an attack of the enemy. At the time? I knew something was so inherently wrong with me, something was so sick and dark and twisted in me, that I was not a worthy person. So I slept. And slept. Read. And slept.
My father called me to wish me a Happy Halloween and I started bawling. Pangs of homesickness washed over me, my first holiday away from my dear parents. I couldn't handle it... I called my CaseyMay and boy did she speak the truth to me. What are friends for, if they do not speak the truth in love? She would not have been my bestie if she hadn't turned me to our Lord. Getting off the phone I was laying on my bed. Hurt, frustrated, sad, falling into my pit of depression. But as I cried out to my Jesus, telling Him what was going on, letting Him in... a peace came over me. He is not called the Prince of Peace for nothing.
Sometimes... I don't have the answers. Trust.
Sometimes... I don't know where I'm going. Trust.
Sometimes... I can do nothing for the ones I love but pray. Trust.
Sometimes... I feel all alone. Trust.
Sometimes... I fear He will not use me. Trust.
Sometimes... I feel inadequate. Trust.
Sometimes... I feel worthless. Trust.
Trust in the Father that He has the answers. Trust in my Jesus that He knows where I'm going and He will guide my footsteps. Trust that God will take care of my loved ones. Trust that I'm NEVER ALONE. Trust that God has a plan for my life. Trust that I am not inadequate through Jesus. Trust that my life was worth enough for my Savior to die on the cross.
I'm getting attacked, but I'm choosing joy for once. I figured out Satan was trying to get hold of my heart and my life. But he lost this battle and has already lost the war. He will not pull me down. I'm hanging on to my Jesus.
Later that night my pants were blessed off me (figuratively ;) I found out my brother has a roommate (albeit a female) that believes in God and has a faith that she lives out... an answer to my prayer that God would bring into his life people that know God and will love on him. I met with a woman who is willing to be my mentor. A dear older woman, wise in the faith, wise in years, who is going to take me under her wing. Willingly, happily ready to work with me. I was able to fellowship with people I have come to love and adore. And the most amazing of all? God used me to minister to a homeless man, that man allowed me to pray for him and his struggles... and I wasn't afraid to step out because Jesus was with me.
This life is indeed crazy, but my dear friends, my dear Jesus... and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Posted by SamanthaMarie at 12:06 PM