Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Running after His heart.

For me, the name of my blog has multiple layers. Obviously there is the figurative Sami, running after God's heart. Running after His heart to do what He wants her to do. Running after His heart so she can learn to be more like Jesus. Running after His heart so that she can desire the things that God would want her to desire.

And then there's the literal Sami that literally goes running.

During sophomore year I took a class called DAYO. It was an acronym that stands for Dancing, Aerobics, Yoga, and Orienteering (or in lay-man's terms walking.) My DAYO teacher was the essence of a drill sergeant. She pushed us HARD on our walks. We usually were running more than half of the time. And while most people HATED our walks, I fell in love with running. It became a thing for me. My rhythmic breathing as I my feet slap against the pavement. The complete in-the-zone feeling. Going nowhere and everywhere all at one time. And being alone with God. I do some of my best praying and basking in God's glory when I run or walk.

Today was a hard day. I think I failed my math final. I found out I might potentially be in some financial trouble. I am getting sick. And yet, when I went running, I was able to give it all to God and just breathe. Under a pink and blue sky, painted by our Creator I communicated to Him my troubles, my worries, my imperfections and gave up whatever control I thought I had.

-Slap, slap, slap- Breathe in, breathe out. Give it to God.

I can't do this... I can't do this, I can't do this by myself.
Thus, He comes in and makes me new. I've been asking my Father to break me, I think He's answering my prayers. So even in all my brokenness, I'm happy.
Broken is beautiful.

Breathe in, breathe out.


Paige said...

Samantha, thank you for your comment. It wasn't too long, I promise. Besides, the longer they are, the more detailed they are. It is as if you are writing me a letter..... and I love letters! :)
I'm sorry to hear about your day. I can understand you being upset, but I know everything will be okay. For me, when I have a bad day, I just remind myself the day is almost over with and a new day will start. The problem may not just disappear, but how I handle it can change. My family's smiling faces, or a pretty day outside, even a polite stranger taking the time to say hi to me at work makes me feel so much better. When things are really bad, I try to think a little further ahead than a day- like ten years or even twenty. I think of the man God has waiting for me and the children I have already begun to pray for. I think of what our lives will be like and all the family get togethers. Then, I remember that this awful situation will become nothing but a memory and an excellent lesson. Maybe, it will be something I can keep my children from repeating. Then, as a final way to shake those awful feelings off, I listen to my music. I just sit and listen to it, or if I have the time, I dance. I shut the door and dance, but no one wathces me. Just as you like walking (as do I), I love to dance. It is my time to think and relieve myself of all those crazy feelings. When that time is up, it is back to reality and I feel so much better. I know God will take care of it all.
I hope your next few days grow far better than this one.

Anna said...

I really wish that I was a runner. It seems like such a wonderful way to be outdoors, connect with God, and relieve stress.

Dragonflysoul said...

i'm sorry Sami that things are feeling bleak right now and that you're having a rough day :-( i wish i could be there to hug you!

i hope that your math final turns out better than you expect it to. but if it doesn't, i pray the comfort of the Lord to be with you. i know how frustrating and disappointing that can be. and i'll be praying for your finances. that's enough to turn anyone's hair grey so i'll be thinking of you, and praying for the Lord to work things out in His perfect time and way.

i'm so glad that you have running as an outlet and as your special "God Time". especially if you're running under the "pink and blue sky" (either sunrise or sunset) - both times of day are such spiritual, beautiful times when we can really see God and all of His beauty. keep running after His heart, and keep running :-)

He will show you brighter days, amiguita :-)

(btw, that song you referenced "I Can't Do This" is my life's theme song!!)

Mia said...

What a beautiful post!
You're exactly right--running/walking is more than just exersize; its a way to connect with God.

CaseyMay said...

I'm so proud of you Samantha, for turning to running thus turning to God for help in times of uncertainty. I know that can be a challenge. I'm so proud of you for running after God's heart in so many ways. It has been such an honor to see your journey. And no matter where God takes us, we will always be there for eachother in spirit and we have a life long friendship because its God ordained!

I love you sweetie and thank you for putting up with me all this time! *hugs*

graffitigirl said...

Whoa, I feel like for some reason I skipped a day when I didn't. Pssh... I'm out of it.

I have a lot of respect for your running. I've never been a runner but I could see myself getting into it if there were someone else in my life who really loved running. It's sweet that you can relate and talk to God like that. Like I said, it's really not my thing but the painting and the colours and the sky is something I can relate too. :)

Who cares about your math, just pass the class. Actually, that's probably bad advise - do your best in it. Plus math is important and I love it.

Brokeness is cool. But I disagree with that you said "broken is beautiful". It's cool because when God brakes you, he never leaves you broken. And he's changing you when you're in that place to make him more like you. That is what is beautiful!

Love you!!

graffitigirl said...

Oops! What I meant to say was

"And he's changing you when you're in that place to make you more like him."

Sorry about that :)

Tracy said...

Hi, Samantha! I'm sorry that you had a rough day. But, it's good that you have an outlet & that you can be alone with God during your runs.

I'm trying to get into running, but it's kind of slow going for me...

I hope you have a better day tomorrow!


Alyssa said...

I know! God makes everybody differently, and it is so nice to see someone who doesn't want to change the way there body was made.
thanks for the encouragement on the finals :D And thanks for checking out my friends site!

sorry to hear about your math final and the financial trouble. I always love to go running. I just need that time to be alone with god, you know? I say keep running, because God is always one step in front of you, guiding your life.

Paige said...

Thank you for your compliment on my writing, I wish I saw it as that. Instead, I am constantly finding myself wishing I had said something else, or maybe taken something out. That post alone has taken me three days to finish. I began it on Thursday, worked on it some more on Friday, and was thankful to finish it today. I still keep thinking I was redundant here, or said too much there, probably should have said this. Uuuhhhh!!!! It's too much. I just have to hit that publish button and hope that I have gotten my thought across. The music comes slightly easier, considering that is usually how I find my thought in the first place.
I hope you, and anyone else who might read it, do not think I am belittling graduation. I remember my excitement and all the hopes I had for it. I was simply trying to comment on that moment. My realization of what was happening that night, that thought is not one I regret, even though it wasn't what I had expected. I guess that is what I was trying to say.
I hope things are going better for you than what you had last posted. I'll check back in later! :)