Busy

I just wanted to drop a quick note and let you all know that this next week I will be very busy with last minute projects, tests, and preparations for graduation. Let alone the actual commencement ceremony and all the celebrations with friends and family. I will try to reply to any comments and try to keep up on the blogs that you post, but if I'm slow in responding or you notice a lack of comments or a lack of new blogs, fear not! I am not dead, but merely freakishly busy!! :)

I pray God's spirit will work in all of your lives this week and that you will turn to Him for your every need. Take care dear ones!! I love you!! (:

That Girl's Testimony

My name is Samantha. And here is my promised testimony (only a month or so later than previously predicted ;)

Growing up I was your average, everyday girl. I was a happy child with loving parents, a fun (if not sometimes abusive :D) older brother, and an extended family that was pretty close. We were not a church-going family. I first learned what death was at age five and was deathly (pun intended) afraid of it from that day on. I didn't want to cease to exist. It was scary to me. As I grew older, to put it bluntly, I grew larger. I hated the way I looked but I turned to food for comfort. Friends that I once had in elementary school were quick to abandon me in Junior High for more popular and pretty friends, and I, I continued to eat. In eighth grade I was so depressed that I planned to kill myself, going so far as to put a hanger around my neck, but it broke. I eventually for whatever reason (God's reason) just started to get a bit happier every day, I found some good friends, and moved on with life. In 9th grade I had a destructive relationship with a boy a smidgen older than me but still in my grade. He... was not a horrible person, but nor was he a saint. I was the typical dumb girl, thinking we were meant to be together forever, but it ended all too soon. But then drug on over the course of the next year and a half as a friends-with-benefits-maybe-one-day-we'll-get-back-together-thing (and yes, I am still a virgin, my definition of friends with benefits is that of making out excessively.) Sophomore year, was.... wretched. I spiraled back down into depression. I began drinking.
And yet, with God's good grace He had placed in my life a friend and a cousin that were instrumental in me being saved. My cousin, Grace, got me my first Bible in 8th or 9th book and I finally began exploring it in Sophomore year. My friend, Hannah, an avid church-goer and lover of Jesus introduced me to a series of books called My Name is Chloe by Melody Carlson. One night, in June the summer after my sophomore year, while I was re-reading the first book of the series and I got to the part where she gets saved, I felt a pressure to dig out my Bible. And for the life of me I can't remember what I read, but it just finally clicked. And by myself, alone in my room, I asked Jesus into my heart (and actually felt the Holy Spirit come upon me as soon as I had prayed my prayer.) Life has never been the same since.

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I’ve never seen
I am changing: less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

I was pretty hush-hush about the whole thing until I told my cousin one day in July-ish. She told my aunt and her whole family was so excited (they are the only really strong believers in my entire family on my dad's side.) So they took me out for a celebratory dinner and I was forced to tell my parents why (they didn't handle it too well.)

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in You

As Junior year went on I kind of floated along how I would have normally until I went to a meeting for First Priority (a Christian club at my school). There I met Casey and became friends with her and slowly, painstakingly began to shed who I WAS. Even then though, I was having some severe issues with who I was until I came to another complete breaking point.
Hannah had moved on and I didn't know why. I told her to never worry about me anymore because I would be fine all alone (yes, what a pity party!) She had me over to her house and we had it out, crying, words, all of it. She forced me to open my eyes and figure out who I am in Christ. With verses and words of encouragement I began a long journey that leads me to where I am today. With key events in my life such as my baptism, Acquire the Fire, strengthening my friendships with Casey and Rebecca, leaving behind destructive friendships, I have grown into the young woman of God I am today.

There’s distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it’s easier to stay
But I’ve heard rumors of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

If I could tell you one thing about what I've learned thus far on my walk with Jesus (well I can't really choose, but I do want to mention this) is that it never is perfect. We are never perfect. Temptations of old are never really completely gone. They lay dormant until the enemy chooses to attack us. But if we hold on, really hold on, to Jesus and chase after His heart for us, we'll make it through. The path we choose is far from easy, but its rewards are eternal. The world tells us how crazy we are. How many times have I been asked "How come you don't drink anymore?" How many times have I been told "You are so dumb for not cursing anymore, God doesn't care that much." And how many times have I been condescendingly told that what I believe is "nice?" Too many times to count my dear sisters. But even through it all, I'm firm in my faith, I know what we believe is true, and I hold onto all the promises God has for us. There is never a day in which I don't realize how different me and my fellow believers are from the rest of the world, and there is NEVER a day I'm not thankful for that difference. I LOVE God. I LOVE my life. I'm so thankful that He would save me. The GREAT I AM sent His Son to die for my sins. And you tell me my God isn't loving?

When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in You

What I struggle with currently in my on-going battle and this amazing journey is the passion to save the lives around me, especially those of my parents, brother, and other extended family. My heart's cry (as many of you well know) is to share the love of Christ with non-believers. And I won't be stopped, can't be stopped, and will do all I can for the King that saved me. Isn't that the least I can do?

If you read this, wow. You must love me (: or at least love testimonies. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your love and prayers. Thank you my dear sisters in Christ. May we all rejoice together one day in Heaven!!

In His Love,
Samantha

(Lyrics are by Cadia-Shadowfeet)

Titles can be so redundant

Ha, so a quick update for those of you that were praying with me...
I actually ended up with an A on my math final (this happens to me quite often... I freak out thinking I did horribly while I really did just fine. I'm silly to say the least.) And I'm still sick, but it's just a cold that is slowly going away. AND the financial problems... I realized that probably sounded like I was going into severe debt, which I'm not. I just learned that I may not be getting the $600 check thing the government is handing out because apparently a lot of people my age aren't. And I had been planning to use that money for a few things (i.e. my laptop). I can still pay for everything, but I just won't have any extra spending money.

Other than that...

I saw Prince Caspian last night. Woah. All I can say is that if you only see one movie this spring/summer, choose that one!! It's superb. I was bawling at the end and yet so happy and excited thinking about how God's plan is always perfect. It wasn't based off of Revelations or anything, but the movie got me so excited for the Rapture, am I morbid? I don't want to give too much away, so I will save the huge post I have planned that relates to a lot of the movie for later. That way I won't spoil anyone's fun (:

Annnd. I'm really tired. Colds do that apparently. So I might go take a nap, or I might go hang out outside, or I might go running. :D

I pray you are all having lovely weekends! And I plan on adding a more thought-provoking post than this one a little while later.

Love,
Samantha (:

Running after His heart.

For me, the name of my blog has multiple layers. Obviously there is the figurative Sami, running after God's heart. Running after His heart to do what He wants her to do. Running after His heart so she can learn to be more like Jesus. Running after His heart so that she can desire the things that God would want her to desire.

And then there's the literal Sami that literally goes running.

During sophomore year I took a class called DAYO. It was an acronym that stands for Dancing, Aerobics, Yoga, and Orienteering (or in lay-man's terms walking.) My DAYO teacher was the essence of a drill sergeant. She pushed us HARD on our walks. We usually were running more than half of the time. And while most people HATED our walks, I fell in love with running. It became a thing for me. My rhythmic breathing as I my feet slap against the pavement. The complete in-the-zone feeling. Going nowhere and everywhere all at one time. And being alone with God. I do some of my best praying and basking in God's glory when I run or walk.

Today was a hard day. I think I failed my math final. I found out I might potentially be in some financial trouble. I am getting sick. And yet, when I went running, I was able to give it all to God and just breathe. Under a pink and blue sky, painted by our Creator I communicated to Him my troubles, my worries, my imperfections and gave up whatever control I thought I had.

-Slap, slap, slap- Breathe in, breathe out. Give it to God.

I can't do this... I can't do this, I can't do this by myself.

Thus, He comes in and makes me new. I've been asking my Father to break me, I think He's answering my prayers. So even in all my brokenness, I'm happy.
Broken is beautiful.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Rwanda, Darfur, and the world.

Today in my AP Government class we finished watching Hotel Rwanda, a riveting, heart-wrenching true story of one man's brave attempt (and success!) to save 100s of Rwandan refugees. These refugees were both Hutu and Tutsi. Paul risked everything for these people.
At the end of the movie the producers stated that once the Tutsi army had successfully pushed back the Hutus, over one million lives had been lost to the genocide.

Where was America when all of this was happening? Watching O.J. Simpson's first trial. And no, I'm really not exaggerating.

There is a line in the movie that is along the lines of "Rwanda is nothing to the world, we don't have anything of importance to give them, nor anything to them worth saving." But what about valuable, irreplaceable, LIVES? I know that many leaders of many countries do think "What does so-and-so country have to give us in return for what we'll be doing for them?" What kind of thinking is this? Why do we not learn from our mistakes?

The same thing is happening in Darfur right now, and the news is as silent on Darfur as it was on Rwanda. Do we not realize that PEOPLE are dying, horrible, unnecessary deaths? What is wrong with the rest of the world? Where are our priorities? Do we hear about the raid that killed 200 people? No, we are forced to listen to the latest Britney Spears update instead. Filling our minds and wasting our time with useless information. All because Americans tune in more to that crap. Perhaps the news world should stop worrying about their ratings and speak the truth for once. Get people riled up so we can make a change NOW instead of regretting ten years later not having done anything.

If you've never seen Hotel Rwanda, I dare you to watch it. It's guaranteed to make you cry if you value human life in any way.

That's my soap box today.

In His Love,
Samantha

My Heart's Cry

I'm not sure how many of you know, because I don't remember if I've mentioned it... but within my immediate family I'm the only one that is a follower of Christ.

Tell me what do you believe in
Does your life have rhyme or reason
Something in your heart that makes you care
I hope that you don't mind me asking
But I have got a burning passion
I need to know forever you'll be there

The hardest part of my walk has been the constant struggle in my household. There is a battle between good and evil within my home, a battle for my parents' souls. I've cried so many nights, fearful for their eternity. I know God has a plan, but to know that your very own parents' souls may go to Hell... that's one of the hardest burdens to live with.

I can't make it clearer
Put it any other way
If you can't see the simple truth I do
Then there's nothing in this world that's left to say
But Jesus loves you

I know that God has been working on their hearts. Mere months ago they would make me turn off my Christian music whenever riding in the car with me but lately they will listen to it, yesterday even commenting that they liked what was playing (Krystal Meyers.)

I know I don't have all the answers
And I have wasted many chances
To prove to you a faith that lives inside
I'm praying there will be a breakthrough
Cause I can't be the one to save you
God knows how many times I've tried

The end is coming. I'm not the only one who feels this way. So many of my friends, so many of you, notice the signs, feel the urgency. Every minute that passes is another lost moment that I have to share the GREAT NEWS with my parents. Every day that goes by brings us closer. There have been so many times I've tried to talk to them, so many times I've wanted to talk to them, so many times I've had to walk away...

I can't explain
But I can't deny
So many times for you I've cried
And to see you on your knees tonight

If there is one thing I could see in this lifetime, if I was only destined to save two souls. What I wouldn't give to save the souls of my beautiful, loving, caring parents.

I cant make it clearer
Put it any other way
To know you know simple truth I do
And to know that your forever has been changed
Cause Jesus loves you

So, this is my heart cry. Lost souls. First (and yes selfishly) my parents and then the many people around me that do not know Christ. There is work to be done my fellow brothers and sisters. It's time we step out. Before it's too late. The worst thing I can imagine is coming to the judgment that Jesus will give all of us and having Him be disappointed in what little I accomplished. I must step out for Him. I must be strong. I must be courageous. I have to give my inhibitions to my Father and trust in Him. He can do so much through all of us. Alone, we are useless... helpless. But with the strength, courage, and wisdom of our Father we can do great things.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Isaiah 51:6 "Lift up your eyes to the heavens, and look at the earth beneath; for the heavens vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment, and they who dwell in it will die in like manner; but my salvation will be forever and my righteousness will never be dismayed."

Isaiah 52:7 "How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, 'Your God reigns.'"

In His Love,
Samantha Marie

(Song: "Jesus Loves You" by Stellar Kart)
(Verses are English Standard Version)

Tra-la-la!

Hey friends :D

This past weekend was fantastic. I had a lot of fun, and the best part is I didn't even do much! Friday night I worked until 9:00 but my friend Rebecca visited me and we decided to go on a walk after work.


We passed a fire hydrant and just had to take a picture with it!! ;)

We ended up walking to a store a mile or two away from my house and then ended up calling a friend to pick us up. I had shin splits from running Wednesday night and thus was in pain. It was fun and we talked a lot about the future and college. It's good to know somebody is in the same boat as you are and is experiencing the same emotions.

Saturday I worked the morning shift and had a fantastic time. I love my job, I wish I could take it with me when I move... anyway.

I got home and did a few chores then my bestie CaseyMay came over so we could start our sleep-over fun! :D We talked a LOT, cooked dinner, set up her new and amazing blog!, went and had milkshakes, laughed a ton (so much tears came out of our eyes), had silly discussions, serious discussions, and I just felt so blessed.



These past two nights showed me what true friendships are. They don't have drama. They don't have to be drunk. They don't have to talk about things of the world. True friendships are the ones where you can pray with your best friend before bed. True friendships are taking goofy pictures. True friendships are all about discovering new things, good and bad, and loving each other just the same if not more. A true friend will laugh with you, even at random nonsense such as popping out of a cow to surprise your parents (don't ask.) And a true friend asks you how you are... hears your fears and your hurts. And listens and loves.

I'm beyond blessed for my life- my friends, ma familia, and my past, present, and future. I praise and thank God for all that I have.

Oh and most importantly... Happy Mother's Day to my amazing mother. I love you dearly!!

:)

Today. I'm not sad.

And that's not the end of this post either ;)

Boy oh boy. Have you ever let your emotions get the best of you before? Hopefully most of you are saying yes, because I definitely don't want to be alone on this boat. It's like you know the answer to your problem is just to give it all to God and go deep into the Word and pray like there's no tomorrow, but you just don't. You hole up in the land of denial and pretend that you are the one that can handle everything. But honestly, we can't.

God has given us so many tools, His Word, prayer, fellowship, etc. so that we can lean on Him for all of our understanding. He opened up prayer to us so that we can specifically communicate to Him all of our troubles, praises, hurts, happy moments, every facet of our life we can communicate to the KING of kings and yet, so often I forget this in times where I'm in major pain.

When other people are in pain? I tell God all about it. When I'm happy about something? God's the first one I "call." So what happens that when I get sad, I turn to everything but God? Perhaps an attack of the enemy, perhaps my own pride, I'm not sure. I just know that when I finally give it all to God He takes it handles it much better than I ever could alone. This is a lesson I continually am learning. A lesson that could easily be summed up in one word, trust.

Philippians 4:6-7
"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (ESV, emphasis mine)

Have a wonderful Friday night (:

:(

Today, I'm sad.


The End.

Oh May!

May has thus proven so far to be a CRAZY-BUSY-FANTASTIC month. And I'm assuming it will only get more crazy, more busy, and (hopefully) more fantastic (:

This past Saturday was prom. My date was my best guy friend and we doubled with my best girl friend and her best guy friend. It was fun and relaxing.

As I was dancing to the last song with David, tears welled up in my eyes. We had come so far. From playing on the playground when we were kids, to "dating" during our eighth grade year, to our first cars and first drives together (where I infamously ran the stop light), to where we are presently. We have gone through so many things together. I can't even explain the bond I have with him. And to think, it will all soon be over. I will be moving, he will be staying... and I know our friendship will have to change. It was a truly bittersweet moment of my life.

That last dance has made me realize it really is ending soon. I will soon leave the high school I've been attending for the past three years, for the last time. I will walk the halls with my friends for the last time. I will eat the cafeteria food for the last time. I will see so many of these people for the last time. And all that will begin to happen in a mere 23 days. How major is that?

And yet, despite all I'm leaving behind, God is showing me that He has so much more to offer to me as long as I keep following Him. I feel so BLESSED. Words can't describe. My past means so much to me, my present is amazing, and my future... my future is His :)

This post was intended to tell you what all I've been up to since I last blogged. But somehow... this is enough. One event and how it impacted me pretty much sums up the most major part of my life right now. I'm on a balance beam, treading water, you get the imagery... and yet... this is my life here and now. And I couldn't ask for more!