Wednesday, December 17, 2008


This week is finals week. I have taken my three finals and all I have left to do is write an essay. Then? I'm finished with my first semester of college.

It's shocking to me how quickly the semester went by. It's shocking how well, overall, that I adjusted. There were obviously hard times, but there was never a moment in my mind when I seriously considered moving back to Lewiston.

I did it. I survived. I learned I can do something new and exciting (and wholly terrifying) with the help of my Lord and those He places around me. I'm quite ecstatic about where I am in life (:

I'm making deep connections with people, people I never would have imagined being friends with. I'm touching lives and being touched. Stepping out and helping in a church. Learning the meaning of actual forgiveness. I'm crying and laughing... crying. Thank You Jesus for these tears.

I think what I did last night is a true example of what I've learned this semester. I baby-sat instead of studying for finals. I took care of a little girl that was sick while distracting her brother and sister with some fun. I put them to bed, snug safe and warm after prayers. I was rewarded with hugs and cookies (: Instead of studying for my finals I spent the night playing hide and seek with my friends. And it was one of the best times, filled with laughter that kills your stomach. Instead of studying for finals I spent time with God, the One who matters, the One who held me throughout these past few months. The realization I had years ago is continually being affirmed in my life, the thing that matters most is your relationships. So, while I am here to go to college, I'm also here to cultivate my life with true and deep relationships.

I'm dancing to my own tune. And it's a painful process. Sometimes my guitar string breaks, my voice cracks, my drum explodes, and sometimes the show gets canceled. But you know what? It's worth it, because when you're a musician you love what you do, and when you are living your life, you ultimately love it. Because in those sweet moments when the crowd is applauding your performance as a musician it's all worth it. Equally so, those moments when your heart is almost exploding out of your chest with happiness, your life is worth it.

Right now, I don't have the clearest direction for my life. Every time that I think I have a vision for my future, it changes. And I really am okay with that for the moment. I've met so many people that know exactly what God has for them and that's wonderful. But He doesn't have me in that spot yet. He leads, I follow. And sometimes? It's more fun to just enjoy the ride, the purpose will be fulfilled.

Breathe my dear friends. Touch hearts. Live with a passion for the Lord and all things fall into place. LAUGH. Smile. CrY. Jump. Dance. Sing. Fall. Get back up. Breathe.

Even in the hard places there is hope at the end of the tunnel. But you know what's great about that tunnel? There's Jesus right beside you, holding Your hand and guiding you through the tunnel. Even though it's too dark for you to see Him, He's still there. So hold on to that hand and trust. It's worth it.

One more essay, I think I'm ready. :)


CaseyMay said...

Your passion and your wisdom SamanthaMarie, never cease to bring a smile to my face and tears to my eyes--at the same time.

I can't wait to see you, just a few more hours(hopefully!).

I love you babe. *hugs*warm&fuzzies*


Jessica said...

Just reading this post -seeing your joy- made me happy too. I am so glad that you are feeling happy. Good luck on that essay!

graffitigirl said...

Oh how I want to leave my town and try something new. I want to estactic like that. I was babysitting just a few days ago and I played hide and seek too. it was fun. And I think similarily I would choose relationships over homework any day. I hope your essay went well!