Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I have a huge speech to prepare (from scratch) before tomorrow morning at 7:30. And I can NOT focus. So often I'm finding that it really has to be crunch time before I'm motivated to do anything.

Not to mention the fact that depression makes it hard to focus on much of anything. All that I want to do these days is write and sleep. Haha. Ha.

Okay, so not very funny.

Well we started talking again. Rather I began communicating with Him again, He never stops talking to us. It's amazing to think that we can be in constant communication with our Lord and Savior. What an open path of communication. I don't think I could constantly talk to ANYONE. Let alone what an honor it is to constantly talk to the KING OF THE UNIVERSE.

Praying has always been really difficult for me, so usually when things start going down the drain that's the thing that stops first. And apparently not praying is not the best thing. As I have been going down this path I've started to realize that my prayer time does not have to be this time where I ask great blessings upon the people around me. It's normal conversation. Conversations I would have with good friends and family. It helps me to better understand what a picture of prayer really looks like.

It's been nice to speak with Him again. It's like getting over a fight with a good friend and catching up over the past few weeks you haven't been talking.

It hasn't yet changed the fact that life is just hard right now. But I have given up trying to make everything better and trying to solve everything in one go. It simply isn't realistic. And it's not how we are made. Life is a process and it typically doesn't get fixed in one day. So no more trying to be superwoman and save myself. I'm leaving it up to Jesus.

My birthday is Friday. And I'm sad. I won't be with people that have always been there to celebrate it with me. But I suppose it's time to forge new memories with new friends. And that part is exciting. But it will still be the hardest birthday I've yet experienced.

My heart is heavy, but at least I know Jesus is holding it in His strong and careful hands.

Hope you all are well.


graffitigirl said...

My prayer life hasn't been terribly great recently either. And it's about time I need to intentionally making the effort to be praying.

And the first paragraph, I know exactly what you mean.

Dragonflysoul said...

ditto. i'm working on your email. so i'll save you from my usual too-long comments here.


Savannah Nichole said...

Happy Birthday! My friend Jessica talks about you all the time.