Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I went back to Lewiston this past week from Wednesday to Sunday. It was... different than what I thought it would be. Refreshing, busy, exciting, sad: all my emotions were what I thought they'd be. But as far as Lewiston feeling like home? That would be a negative. And yet, does this dorm feel like home? No. I think that I'm in a place of limbo right now. Perhaps I won't have a true home until I settle down in one spot for longer than a year. But seeing as how my living situation probably won't be so permanent, at least for a couple of years, I'm currently just floating.

So much of my life feels like limbo. So many times I'm just waiting for something more. So many times I'm just yearning for what's next. You know this, I've spoken of it before. So how do you get to the point where you are completely content? Especially when Satan is constantly warring with Jesus for your soul. Can you really be content amongst that turmoil? Can you really be content when Satan is constantly distracting you? I understand trying to be joyful in all situations, and to count is as a blessing when you face trials, but contentment? I don't know about that.
And should one be content with the current state of the many unsaved souls around them? Should we be okay with how many people Satan has won over (if for the moment?) I don't think we should be content with that. I think we should be battling against the forces with all of our hearts, of course remembering Who is in control, but honestly, I think contentment is a joke. Perhaps, as Christians, we have gotten to be too content. Too safe and sound in our little bubble of Christianity. WE go to church, WE pray, WE spend time with God. But what of those people that have yet to experience the love of God? Do we just sit back contentedly while Satan reigns in their life? I don't think so. Should we as Christians be content in our walk with Jesus? Once again, I don't think so.
I'm really getting tired of mediocrity. In my own life most of all. I think these past few weeks I've been too set on trying to be content instead of making something happen. Maybe I feel bad inside for a reason. Maybe God is trying to push me. Heaven forbid He'd want me to actually grow instead of be content.

I don't have all the answers. I don't have even my own answer. I just know that something has to change. Something has to be different about my walk. Something has to be different about my life. I think that my yearning for more is there for a reason, sometimes yearning for more (as long as it's in line with what God wants for us) is a good thing. It's something necessary. I think we need to stop lying to ourselves about being content, it's an excuse. We sit back far too often while people die around us, condemned to hell for eternity, because we were busy trying to be content.

Something in my soul just doesn't feel right. And maybe, that's okay.


Stepheny Weaver said...

Hello Dear Samantha! I am so glad that you have a new post. ;)

The beautiful posts you write... I can tell that they are from your heart! :)

I can also tell that you are following Jesus! I can see he is showing you, slowly, but he is showing you! I am SO glad that you chose to go with him and choose him as your all! I hope and pray that he will give you a clue of what he wants you to do very soon! :)

You are such a great friend! I am so glad that I have you as my friend! :) Thanks for the sweet comments you left me! :) Yes, I am only 13 but God has given me the wisdom and talent to help others with there problems- and then when mine come, God shows me what I gave to my friends and I always get through! :)

Have a good week Sam!


(P.S. Do you mind me calling you that?)(Oh, and do you have an email?)

A Young Lady In Waiting said...

Hey, just droping a note to say hey and that I'm praying for ya!

åslaug said...

Oh, I've been waiting for this! (New post), I had a really really great answer to your question about contentment, but reading through your post kind of made the meaning fade a little. It's not really a great answer anymore. Though it's still a great question.(I'm rambling, it's late late, I should have snuggled up hours ago)
I think you're right we're too content (or busy getting content). Why would you want to grow if you're content where you are? The times I'm really growing nearer to Christ is the times I'm NOT content. I pray and I cry and I wriggle and I find that I can't go on and can't fix it myself and I go to Him. I come running to Him, and He embraces me, and I'm content because I know I'm growing and that He's working and I'm "helping" Him. There's contentment in much, but I don't think contentment is excacly what we take it to be. We mostly seek contentment through circumstances, while contentment comes from God. God is not content with the dying souls living next door to His hands and feet. And as we share His heart, neither will we be content until we're up working to win these souls. I think we completely missed the definition of the word "contentment". We ran into it with our usual self-occuåied, worldly, material attitude and we totally missed it. Look again, through His eyes this time. Wonder what we'll see?

I hope it wasn't to late for me to write and that you understand what I tried to say. I'll read through it tomorrow and see if I understand it.
Blessings in Christ,

Dragonflysoul said...

waiting for something more, waiting for something next - it's such a burdensome feeling, that "limbo" feeling.

i feel like that at least 4x a day! :-) everyday i think (or say), Lord, there's gotta be more to life than this...

learning to be content in whatever state we're in, as Paul said, is one of the most difficult things to achieve.

missing you and thinking of you!