Saturday, September 6, 2008

Let me go there

Running after His heart.

I think at this moment, if I were to be honest, I'd be lucky to be able to say I was crawling painstakingly slow after His heart. I do a lot of talking in my walk with the Lord, and sometimes I do some walking, but not often enough.

Have you ever really compared your relationship with God to that of your relationship with your spouse, best friend, brother, sister, a parent? Who do you spend more time with? Who do you tell more to? Who do you go to for advice first? Who do you call with exciting news first?

If I were to be honest, God would not be my answer for any of those questions. Hopefully for most of you, you'd be able to answer our Lord and Saviour, but I can't. I disgust myself really.

I TRULY desire to do what God has planned for my life. I want to go to a Bible college or Christian University and get a degree that will best enable me to serve the Body of Christ. I want to marry the right guy. I want to have a good family. I want to have good, strong, Christ-centered relationships with my friends and family. But, how can I do that when I do not spend enough time with God? How can I know His will for my life if I don't talk about it with HIM?


I made a poopy. And once again I need my Father to clean me up, lovingly discipline me, and set me back up on my feet.

I have an interesting, stupid need to be perfect. No wonder I don't go to Jesus as I should. I think I'm above His help. And that's the farthest thing from the truth. He is the only ONE that can be my Everything.

Father please forgive me...
Your messy, ashamed, daughter,
Samantha Marie


Lexi said...

Thanks for the comment and the compliment!
I know what you mean! I don't understand how I'm ever going to get to the point where I take exciting news to God before my family and friends... he's definitely secondary in things like that. Not a good thing.
Well, thank goodness he's patient with us :-)

Stepheny Weaver said...


Thanks for all your kind comments! I truly appreciate each one!

I have not gone through what you have, so I can't say that I know what you mean. But I know that if you truly want to go to God first then you need to truly seek Him. I did have a few problems like that. I guess. But they would not be near to what you are going through- I know that God has to give us a few challenges and troubles in life so that he can mold us and shape us into what He wants us to be. It will probably not be what you think, but God DOES have something special for you and you just keep up on what you are doing, keep praying and reading.... like I said before, God WILL show you in HIS OWN TIMING! :) I will keep praying for you, and if you ever want someone to let it out- please email me (it's on my profile) :)

O.K., I think I have said enough.
BTW, Unless it's my Mom (I am the oldest) I don't really have many people I can talk to about stuff, so I always go to God. :)

well, hope to hear back from you!
God WILL bless you! Just stay with Him, don't give up on Him- that will make things worse!
Love, Stepheny

Dragonflysoul said...

i know what you mean! everyday i think "Lord, how in the world do you love me?" i mess up all the time. and i don't give Him nearly the dedication and time He deserves from me. i was just praying about that JUST yesterday, how undisciplined i am, how i don't praise and worship Him enough, how my Bible lays abandoned by my bedside more often than it should.

be encouraged, my dear :-) though it hurts when we realize how little we do for Christ when He does so much for us, the mere fact that you DESIRE a change in your heart and in your closeness with Him means that He's working in you. and that is an awesome thing. what would be scary is if you just didn't care.

and i am confident that He has compassion on us in our imperfect condition and He honors that desire in you to want to do better. He continues to nurture those changes in your heart.

we'll never be perfected until we see Him, but it takes open, honest examinations of ourselves, like this one you did here, to help us get as close to perfection in Him as we can. every day is a cleaning process, every. single. day. and everyday, even in the messiest of days, He is smiling on you with love.

CaseyMay said...

My dearest SamanthaMarie.

Oh how I wish you could have been sitting next to me this morning as Mr. Luce talked about this very same thing and it spoke right to my heart.

I am going to email you the notes :) Not because you are need them but because I think you would like them.

We all make poopys. I have been doing that quite often and our relationship with the Lord is not perfect. We are in process and it's not ging to happen all at once, please don't get discouraged. Start running after Him and to Him for everything you can. God is so patient and I know that sometimes it us who are the impatient perfectionists that get angry with ourselves for not getting it right for the 85 millionth time but you know what my love? God will never give up on us. EVER. And you have to believe that.

Search for the truth, you will find it in Him. And call me when you can ok?

I love you but God loves you so much more than I ever could.
hugs & kisses

Mackenzie said...

Hi SamanthaMarie!! I just wanted to let you know that I'm still doing blog makeovers if you wanted to do it!

Tell me a theme you would like and I'll get started. You can either give me your login and password for Blogger and I can set it up for you or I can send you the temp and header. I also include directions of how to download them.

Let me know!

Mackenzie (aka Grl4God)

Dragonflysoul said...

love you and miss you too. and no it didn't sound weird at all! :-)

and LOL at your comment - you just go right ahead and laugh!! let 'em stare!! LOL

i was thinking about you this morning. i saw a car that had alma mater plates from the university that i went to. and i thought "aaah, to be in college again." which made me think of you and this exciting, nervous time for you.

hoping you're doing well and sprinkling prayers your way all the time!

Stepheny Weaver said...

I guess we could award this post, "The post with the LONGEST comments!" LOL :)

Still praying,


taekwondochick said...

I know exactly how you feel! Your post reflects the exact thoughts I've been having lately. I know I don't spend enough time praying, reading the Bible, etc. But I'm not sure how to fix it. My life should revolve around Him, but instead it's revolving around my family, and mostly myself. Sigh.

I hope that you can make it through this easily. Remember the whole way through this that God loves you no matter how you act.

åslaug said...

I know so well the feeling! I've started a new life, in a new country, far away from everything and everyone I know and love(on a calling from God, so actually it's okay). Well, but without friends or sparetime activities, I figured I had so little to do, and I thought: Hmm, whatever shall I fill my days with? The first days I used most of my time getting to know people around me, then I used some time sleeping, then reading, then to walk around town. And feeling how I was suddenly not as close to God as I wished (honestly, are we ever as close to God as we wish?) I though: Why not God. And I needed Him, I really did, I longed for Him. Still, it was hard to take the time to get to know Him. I thought I needed to rest, because the days have been so busy, and I've had a small cold. But when I first made today (as the first of many, I hope) a day devoted to Him, it have been one of the most peaceful days I've had, and today I've done more than any other day =) He is precious. I loved the way you signed this post.
Peace to you,

Paige said...

Samantha, I am so there. I have been for years, actually. I can't say I always take things to Him first either, but I know once upon a time I hardly ever did. It is good that you are so honest. It is good that you see these things and are trying to fix them. It is good that you are trying to grow closer. Honestly, though, we should never be able to say that we are through growing, that we are as close as we are going to get. We will never be perfect, but we should certainly keep trying. I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one who is ashamed, nor am I the only one who has faltered. It will be alright.