Still.

I'm taking a Spiritual Disciplines class at the Biblical Studies Center. I've been looking forward to this class since I first heard my campus minister was going to teach it way back in November. Thus far, the class has not failed to meet my expectations and exceed them.

This week's readings have been centered around Silence and Solitude. Two things lately that I've been trying to avoid. I often associate solitude with being lonely, and quite frankly my generation does not do silence. Period. Always we have music, tv, friends, something going on in the background. Being lonely lately has been an unbearable feeling for me, so I try to avoid it. So, I've not been practicing silence or solitude.

I used to think of myself as a pretty silent person. And I usally always enjoy my alone time. But as I've been reading chapters from The Sacred Way and Celebration of Discipline I've realized that my alone time has always been mine. The difference concerning solitude, is that solitude is focused on God. It's being silent in His presence. It's being "alone" in His presence. I think I wouldn't need so much "alone time" if I simply spent more focused time in solitude with my Lord and Savior. And I wouldn't fear my "alone time" if I choose to realize I am not alone.

This past weekend I was able to do pretty much nothing. Something that I have not done since being back in Boise. I had a couple of baby-sitting jobs, church ministry, and I was house-sitting, but most of my time was spent relaxing. I'm so thankful that the family I was house and pet sitting for left town. :) I watched movies, hung out with my friend Rachelle, watched old TV shows, read, journaled, ate, slept, it was glorious.

Yet, even after this restful weekend I felt unsettled. As I returned to my dorm late last night and carried on a conversation with my friend Casey May and caught her up on some things in my life that have been making me anxious I realized something... I have not been still in front of God. We are commanded to be still and know that He is God. Why do I not do this? Why do I not follow a COMMAND from the Lord of all Creation? It seems pretty silly to me. And it proves to me that we need to do this. Despite my weekend of doing nothing, I was still anxious at the end of it. I firmly believe if I had spent much of my weekend before the Lord in silence, I would not have been anxious.

This morning has been an awakening in my soul. I feel that even though it's been snowing outside, spring is frolicking in my heart. I'm feeling still in my heart, which brings much peace. Today, my goal is to listen for my Lord. I'm going to stop talking and be silent. I'm going to practice what I've been learning, and what I've been commanded to do.

Last night, on my facebook status I wrote that "I will no longer be living passively (at least for this week...) " So, I'm not. I'm not just going to read about the Disciplines and think to myself how nice they sound, I'm going to practice them. I'm not just going to complain that my small group isn't meeting, I'm going to take charge and set a day and time for us to meet. I'm not just going to worry about the homework that I have to do... I'm going to actually do it.

And even though practicing silence and solitude may seem like a passive activity, I know it will require much on my part to actually do this. I pray that you will get to be still in front of the Lord of all creation this week my dear friends. Rest in His arms. The arms that created you are also big enough to hold you.

Love and Blessings,
Samantha Marie