Surrender.

Often in my life, okay constantly... I struggle with what God has in store for me. I have a feeling it's something big, and boy do I ever talk myself up.
"Yeah, I'm going to follow God's will for my life. I'm going to let go and let God. I will do whatever it takes to pick up my cross and follow Jesus." And of course my list of big talk goes on.

This past weekend, while out in the beauty of God's creation I finally GOT IT. What exactly it will take and what it will mean to give my LIFE over to God so that He can work through me for the furthering of His kingdom.

Being out in the beauty of God's creation makes you realize many things. One such thing is that we are so small. Compared to the mountains of His earth, compared to the billions of people, compared even to some of our dearest friends and family we can feel small. But another thing that you realize is that as small as you are, the Father created you to be just as beautiful as the mountains, just as precious as the other billions of people, and just as special to your friends and family as they are to you.

And then I realized that if God can use other people, if He can create and move mountains (figurative and literal), and if He can do good works through and in the lives of family and friends, then why not me? I can not be afraid anymore to step out in my fear. I have to realize that if I wait for the day that God magically removes any of my fear or anxious feelings I will be waiting until I die. I'm just going to have to do it. And the everlasting, most-loving Father, will be there to guide me. I just have to be running after His heart.

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

Not yet, but I'm working on it with the extreme help of God. I let go of a lot of things while camping, a LOT. And I opened my eyes, my heart, and my soul to what could be - what I could be, where I could be, who I could be. And THAT girl. That girl is the Samantha I've been searching for. God is going to get me there. And no longer will I let the fear of what other's will think restrain me. No longer will I let the worries of financial burdens hold me back from attending a university or a program that will best set me up for the life God has for me. He calls me by name, He knows me every thought, my every desire, and my heart. My God is a big God. He can take care of the small things. (He can take care of everything.)

So as I step out into the world, it's with the expectation that I am going to push myself out of my comfort zone. I am going to be the young woman of God I am supposed to be. I'm going to walk the crap out of my talk. I will give back to the world, starting now.

I would ask that you all could be praying with me and that you would (if you feel led, otherwise do not worry!) keep me accountable to this. Ask me the hard questions. What am I doing lately to further His kingdom? Have I given all control to the Father, or am I trying to hold onto something? How is my Bible reading going. Time with God in general? How goes doing "hard things?" I'm honestly doing it. I'm far from ready... but God's grace will cover me.

I will run, I will fly, and by my faith I'll live and die.

Running after His heart,
Samantha Marie