Monday, June 23, 2008

My pride and all that jazz.

When people are asked to describe me I don't think that I have ever been called prideful. It is not an adjective very many people think of when they first think of me. (At least, not that I'm aware of.) But, I'm here today, to admit how very prideful I am. And how very sinful that fact is.

I just devoured Blue Like Jazz, if you've never read this book, you may want to look into it. It's one man's non-religious thoughts on Christian spirituality (his tag-line, not mine.) It convicted me in many ways, and pretty much throughout the whole book I felt my thoughts resonating with his. My head would shake in agreement, my heart would race at the injustice of something he had faced, and I would laugh along with him at some of the obvious hypocritical things we as Christians do.

This post could potentially be very long if I were to explain every part of the book that I loved and if I used all the quotes I wrote down in my journal. But, this post must specifically be about my pride, as much as I would like to never think about it.

"I love to give to charity, but I don't want to be charity. This is why I have so much trouble with grace." -Don Miller excerpt from his book, Blue Like Jazz.

I LOVE that Jesus died for all of the world's sins. It amazes me, it leaves me aghast, it challenges my tiny little brain and my brain is never able to wrap itself around that fact. It's such a beautiful event. No other true story is as beautiful as that. I love reminding people that He died for all of our sins, no matter how big they are. But I constantly fail to remind myself. I have begun to realize that I think I am above this gift of life. Obviously, I repent. I have also obviously, given my life over to Jesus and I know that only through Him I am saved from an eternity spent in hell. But do I appreciate this gift as much as I should? No.

As I was journaling about this part of the book last night I realized something about myself. Because before I was saved I never murdered anyone, or robbed a bank, or anything like that, I think my sins are not as big, do not need as much grace. How naive is that?

Matthew 5:22 says "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good for nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool.' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell." (NASB)

And before this Jesus talks about how murder is quite the sin. You can not compare two sins. A sin is a sin no matter how you try to dress it up. And any sin of mine is enough to send me into the fiery pit of hell for ETERNITY no matter how "small" I may think it is.

God has shown me how very prideful I am and I am praying that He will humble me before men and make me the meekest of all creatures. I am no greater than an ex-murderer. I would do well to remember that.

Mark 7:21-23 "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, PRIDE, and foolishness. All these things proceed from within and defile the man." (NASB)

No longer do I want pride to come from my heart. I want a humble heart. I desire it with all of me.

Running after His (non-prideful) heart,
Samantha Marie


Dragonflysoul said...

pride is so tricky, because it often sneaks in undetected. i can't tell you how many times i've thought something, only to go back later and have to check myself on my pride, not having realized it was indeed prideful.

as Christians, we are to constantly be on guard about these things. it amazes me how many 'church folk' (and i include my guilty self in here because i've done the same before) look at other people's sins as so scarlet, so big, so disgusting. but just because OUR sins may be different from theirs, they're still sins nonetheless. with God, there is no hierarchy of sin.

i too am so grateful that Jesus died for ALL of our sins, great and small. and as weird as it may sound, i'm grateful for my own sin. my own sins (past, present and future) keep me sensitive to other people's sins. so when i find myself slipping into pride or putting someone else on the chopping block because of their sin, my sins remind me that i needed saving too. and posts like this one of yours remind me also, to guard my thoughts against pride.

luv and hugs to you!