And there were lessons learned.

For it only being 9:30 in the morning, this sure has been one crazy day already. Remind me again why I woke up early when I could still be sleeping? :-P

Went running at the booty-crack-of-dawn today with Casey May (really, it wasn't that early, only 7:00, but when you are a teenager on summer vacation, it's EARLY ;)) I got a blister, she got a broken heart :( But I'll let her explain that if she wants to.

Came home, had some coffee and toast and started having my devotions. Which by the way, this would be my third day in a row, go me! I'm usually horrible at keeping a good, steady quiet time. But then I was trying to read in Psalms and the thing that has been bothering me lately (my financial crap that I have to deal with for college and changing around my classes) was distracting me, so I decided to take care of it so I could totally focus on God. I called my mom and asked for her help and we got into because (and here comes the lesson part!!!!)

She told me to call the financial office and figure it out on my own, because she wasn't going to be able to help me with this stuff all the time anymore. (Not quite so bluntly, and in a nicer tone, but I mean basically...)
Momma say what?

And that's when I realized, adulthood is really bearing down upon me. Ew. What happened to the carefree days of mud pies and slip-n-slides? What happened to money growing on trees? What in the world is that checkbook and credit card doing in my wallet? I don't wanna!!!

So in the course of about 5 minutes I went from young Sami to adult Sami. Sick. But alas, I put on my big kid pants and called the office and talked to a very nice lady that explained everything. And I also changed my class schedule around (I'm sooo excited for the classes I have and the schedule I have! :D)

But seriously, this whole on-my-own-thing. It sucks. I want my mommy and daddy to hold my hand forever!!

And then I remember...
God will always be holding my hand, every step of the way (:

Running After HIS Heart,
Samantha Marie

The darkness turns into light

"You can't understand light unless you understand darkness, because that's where life is most often lived...somewhere between the two. It's messy and it's beautiful all at the same time." - Bebo Norman

As breaths go by, minutes slip through my fingers, hours rush on, and days turn into months I realize something... every hard part of my life, every lesson learned, every time I'm living in the darkness, it's for the good of who I am becoming. Some lessons must simply be learned on your own, we must make our own mistakes. Sure, it's great to learn from those who have gone before us, but if you never made one mistake, how would you ever truly learn?

It's true as Bebo wisely says, most often we are living in between the dark and the light... in between the horrible and the wonderful, the falsehoods and the truth. And I realize that my journeys into the horrible, dark, falsehoods are what shape me the most. Don't get me wrong... if I could constantly live in the light, the truth, and be wonderful at all times, I would. But I'm pretty sure if that was happening, I would be in heaven, and I know my time on earth is not yet done. But truly, the experiences in the dark - the screw-ups, the "poopies," the 'uh-oh I need a band-aid', these are the things that allow God's mighty power to shine through, it's where we fall flat on our faces and worship/praise/cry-out to/ the King, for we are powerless to do anything else.

During these seasons, amongst the rubble and debris, amongst the mud, this is where God picks us up, places us on His lap, and begins cleaning us. These are the moments we are vulnerable and most open to learning. As He cleans us up, He teaches us. And if we have any sort of brains, we listen to our Father. Then, with a few bruises and a new understanding we get "back up on the horse" and ride off into the sunset. Only to repeat the process soon-after.

This is not bad, it's beautiful. That is not to say, sin-away! God will always clean up after you. No, no dear sisters and brothers, let us not abuse the gift of grace. But the innocent mistakes, the lessons that we must learn, these are what God can use to show others His grace and love.

So... I'm climbing up out of my mud puddle and I'm hoping others will see that, yes I failed. But God is there for me, His arms open wide. And as I come crawling to Him, He will lift me up into His loving, sovereign arms and clean me up while telling me what I did wrong and how to behave next time. My lesson will be learned. And God's glory will be shown through my weakness. This is probably the most humbling part of the whole situation, God uses us in our worst moments, for the glory of His kingdom. I've seen it done, I've experienced it, it happens. It's exciting!! I love that about God. Everything is always the opposite of the world. And it's the best!

I took a walk down to the river
And I laid my burdens down
Before the Taker and the Giver
And I am finally found
Bebo Norman - I Know Now

In His Love,
Samantha

Thursday ;)

Thursday was the end. The last day of school. The last day of high school. The last day of public schooling. The last day I wouldn't have to pay a penny for my education. The last time I would walk the halls of my beloved high school as a student. The last time I would venture into that world as a student to my teachers. From now on, during visits, I will refer to them on a first-name basis... awkward (maybe I just will always call them Mrs. Yarno, Mrs. Snider, etc. :))

I woke up, with not much anticipation. I did not feel different. I wasn't overly excited. I just was. I was happy to be done with school (although it felt like just another year under the belt.) I was excited that I didn't have any tests. I was excited for graduation practice. But other than that... life wasn't much different.
While making my breakfast I was treated to my annual end-of-year-note from my loving father. Telling me how proud my mom and he are of me. He also gave me five dollars for a coffee, what a lovely man :-)
Drove to school and floated through first hour. But then second hour arrived and by the end I was an utter mess. My second hour teacher is like my mom. I have been through a lot with her. We have fought like mother and daughter, gone to dinner like mother and daughter, laughed, cried, and shared with one another for the past three years. She gave me a bracelet that I will always cherish and I will continue to keep in touch with that lovely woman. Then, I continued on to third hour and floated through that.
After third hour was the Senior barbecue. But Rebecca and I decided to be rebels and skip out :) We went to Mandarin Pine instead and had yummy egg rolls, fried rice, chow mein, and almond chicken. Way better than burgers :D Plus, it gave us time to ponder our last day, think about the past year, and wonder about what was to come. I began the school year with her, and ended it with her, it was fitting.

Then came the ever traumatic graduation ceremony practice. First, I need to explain five things.
1.) My high school has a tradition of allowing you to walk with whomever you want instead of coming in alphabetically. You can only walk up to four people in a group.
2.) David is my best guy friend and we had planned on walking with Heather and Rebecca.
3.) Heather is not really a friend of mine anymore... but she didn't have anyone else to walk with, so we let her walk with us.
4.) Jeffrey is Rebecca's best guy friend and didn't really have anyone to walk with.
5.) I've been having problems with David lately, and on Thursday he said that if his friend Marina didn't have anyone to walk with he was going to walk with her. (Which upset me.)

So, we get to the venue and we are told to get in our groups. Everyone is pretty much standing there looking at everyone else, trying to figure out who was going to be kicked out of the group. So I made a snap decision, told David to walk with Marina and her group and then Jeff could walk with us. I instantly regretted my decision and spent the whole practice upset that I was walking with Heather who I don't even particularly care for instead of David my best friend. I am a poopy person for so many reasons. But I gave it all to God, got over myself, and was able to be happy with my group in the end.

I got my hair cut Thursday, it was nice (:
My grandparents came into town! I absolutely LOVE them. We went out to dinner. Ate at Applebee's, had a lovely time visiting and catching up.

And that was pretty much the sum of Thursday.

What I learned from that day...
1.) High school is not really the end, but merely a beginning. On the horizon are so many opportunities, so many places yet untraveled, so many lives yet to be met, so many experiences yet to be had. So, if you ask me if I'm sad, I have this to say. Not really, because I know there is so much more to come and for that I'm joyful. I can look back on my high school years, proud of my growth and happy about the friends I made, but the past is the past and I need to live in the present :)
2.) Sometimes life will not go the way *I* had planned. I need to learn to get over that. I also need to realize that my attitude and how I react to things affects the people around me, so I need to be careful, especially as a representative of Christ.
3.) I love my grandparents =)