I'm Walking on Sonshine, wooooah!

Truly, these past three days have been overly delightful. Never mind the fact that homework is quite a bother and I'm severely tired of my Economics class (mostly because of my creepy teacher, but that is another blog for another moment.) I have been blessed by so many people. Blessed by God. I'm living in the moment, breath by breath. Dancing around in the cold weather, wrapped in my warm scarf, coffee in one hand, friends' hands in the other. I'm smiling as I feel God's love poured upon me. My heart stretches to capacity as I anticipate the journey I am beginning with Him. A journey of Him and I, just the two of us. He has separated me from the most important people in my life, and is showing me that He really can be all that I need. He IS all that I need. He is all that I want.

He's showing me that I have an opportunity to become close with new people. And even though I dread the thought of starting over and trying to forge new paths with new people, I'm finally ready. And I finally feel like it's okay. I know that my family and friends from Lewiston will always mean sooo much to me, and I to them, but we have indeed been separated for the moment, for a reason. We are going down different paths (albeit quite parallel.) It's so much fun and a real blessing for me to watch my friends grow, experience new things, and find their place in this world apart from me and their environment, their place with God.

And now it's my turn. With God guiding my every footstep I'm going to become Samantha in Christ. My faith is going to be my own. My personality will be what my soul has been bursting to be. I am going to go where God wants me to go, even if it's further away from the ones I love. I know I feel pulls and desires for a reason, and I think it's time to give into those desires. I'm tired of playing "good little Christian girl." It was fun for awhile, but complacency is not where my heart is.

I'm dancing around, hurriedly spinning circles, leaping through the air, prancing around, and laughing the whole time. Life is meant to be forward movement. Life is meant to be experienced with joy (true joy that the Cross gives us.) Life is meant to be placed in the Father's hands, for Jesus can give us life, and life abundantly. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, the next day, the week after, or three years down the road. But I know that I'm entering into a relationship focused upon God and Jesus and the Loving Spirit. And I know I've felt this way before, but something is different this time. It's a heart understanding instead of a head understanding.

I'm ready to jump into my Daddy's arms and begin a lifelong journey, an eternal journey with Him. I'm going to become the woman of God that I can, want, should be. I'm gonna find my place in this world, a place that helps advance His kingdom. I'm gonna be more than a bump on a log. I would ask that you would pray for me as I begin my movement forward. It's going to be a scary journey, but an exciting one. And I know the enemy will try to stop me. So prayers would be soo very appreciated.

Hurray, hurray! I'm walking, jogging, running on Sonshine. And my word, it feels good!

The darkness turns into light

"You can't understand light unless you understand darkness, because that's where life is most often lived...somewhere between the two. It's messy and it's beautiful all at the same time." - Bebo Norman

As breaths go by, minutes slip through my fingers, hours rush on, and days turn into months I realize something... every hard part of my life, every lesson learned, every time I'm living in the darkness, it's for the good of who I am becoming. Some lessons must simply be learned on your own, we must make our own mistakes. Sure, it's great to learn from those who have gone before us, but if you never made one mistake, how would you ever truly learn?

It's true as Bebo wisely says, most often we are living in between the dark and the light... in between the horrible and the wonderful, the falsehoods and the truth. And I realize that my journeys into the horrible, dark, falsehoods are what shape me the most. Don't get me wrong... if I could constantly live in the light, the truth, and be wonderful at all times, I would. But I'm pretty sure if that was happening, I would be in heaven, and I know my time on earth is not yet done. But truly, the experiences in the dark - the screw-ups, the "poopies," the 'uh-oh I need a band-aid', these are the things that allow God's mighty power to shine through, it's where we fall flat on our faces and worship/praise/cry-out to/ the King, for we are powerless to do anything else.

During these seasons, amongst the rubble and debris, amongst the mud, this is where God picks us up, places us on His lap, and begins cleaning us. These are the moments we are vulnerable and most open to learning. As He cleans us up, He teaches us. And if we have any sort of brains, we listen to our Father. Then, with a few bruises and a new understanding we get "back up on the horse" and ride off into the sunset. Only to repeat the process soon-after.

This is not bad, it's beautiful. That is not to say, sin-away! God will always clean up after you. No, no dear sisters and brothers, let us not abuse the gift of grace. But the innocent mistakes, the lessons that we must learn, these are what God can use to show others His grace and love.

So... I'm climbing up out of my mud puddle and I'm hoping others will see that, yes I failed. But God is there for me, His arms open wide. And as I come crawling to Him, He will lift me up into His loving, sovereign arms and clean me up while telling me what I did wrong and how to behave next time. My lesson will be learned. And God's glory will be shown through my weakness. This is probably the most humbling part of the whole situation, God uses us in our worst moments, for the glory of His kingdom. I've seen it done, I've experienced it, it happens. It's exciting!! I love that about God. Everything is always the opposite of the world. And it's the best!

I took a walk down to the river
And I laid my burdens down
Before the Taker and the Giver
And I am finally found
Bebo Norman - I Know Now

In His Love,
Samantha