A mix of emotions.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I said yet another good-bye to my mom on the phone. I stared around my tiny dorm room, my new home and almost lost it. Looking out the window I saw families walking around together. Students that still had their mommy and daddy with them. I thought about how I had to say goodbye days ago, and move myself in with only the help and support of Meghan, a very new friend. What an emotionally and physically taxing day.

"Is it all worth it?" I wondered to myself. Taking a deep breath I packed an overnight bag so I could return to my aunt's house to house-sit for one more night. Feeling guilty and anxious about what I would miss out on that night, it was with some trepidation I locked my room and began the 5 minute trek to my car. Relief began to flow from my body with each step closer to my car. Steps that would take me to a safe place, and a safe place that would take me to a house I can call home.

The drive was peaceful. The sun was setting over the Treasure Valley. As I looked up and in front of me I was reminded of how God is so completely in control. He has a plan for me to be here. He has hands that are guiding my every step. He has love that will fill up any hole that needs repair. My God, is a great, big, loving, perfect God. And as I observed the bustle of my new home, my beautiful city, I smiled, a truly joyful smile.

It is indeed all worth it.

Let Go

So life has been crazy, as you well know. But I have a feeling it's going to slow down. At least enough to where I can be on here long enough to read and comment your blogs and maybe write a few of my own. ;-)

I've been pretty down in the dumps lately (as you may have gaged from Casey's blog) and confused about a lot of aspects of life. Some, I don't really care to talk about as I'm still coming to terms with it all.

Then there is this whole summer of limbo. I'm no longer in high school... but not yet in college. I'm just here. Waiting to say good-bye to friends, praying that I will meet new friends in college. Waiting to say good-bye to my family while trying to enjoy every minute I do have with them. Trying to spend time with people that matter most, while not shunning the rest of my friends.

It's an odd and unattainable balancing act. As soon as I think I have a handle on one thing I drop something else that I'm juggling and it shatters around my feet. Then, not only am I juggling 85 different things, I also have to tip-toe around all the shattered things on the ground. I seem to be making a mess of my life. But I'm beginning to realize I just need to give it all to God, stop being such a control-freak, realize that I am His child and He will clean up my mess and help me learn my lesson if I just relinquish whatever control I think I have.

To say the least, I do believe this will be a summer of growth and change if I just open my mind and heart and soul to God. Most importantly...
I need to
LET GO.