Running After HIS Heart

I went back to Lewiston this past week from Wednesday to Sunday. It was... different than what I thought it would be. Refreshing, busy, exciting, sad: all my emotions were what I thought they'd be. But as far as Lewiston feeling like home? That would be a negative. And yet, does this dorm feel like home? No. I think that I'm in a place of limbo right now. Perhaps I won't have a true home until I settle down in one spot for longer than a year. But seeing as how my living situation probably won't be so permanent, at least for a couple of years, I'm currently just floating.

So much of my life feels like limbo. So many times I'm just waiting for something more. So many times I'm just yearning for what's next. You know this, I've spoken of it before. So how do you get to the point where you are completely content? Especially when Satan is constantly warring with Jesus for your soul. Can you really be content amongst that turmoil? Can you really be content when Satan is constantly distracting you? I understand trying to be joyful in all situations, and to count is as a blessing when you face trials, but contentment? I don't know about that.
And should one be content with the current state of the many unsaved souls around them? Should we be okay with how many people Satan has won over (if for the moment?) I don't think we should be content with that. I think we should be battling against the forces with all of our hearts, of course remembering Who is in control, but honestly, I think contentment is a joke. Perhaps, as Christians, we have gotten to be too content. Too safe and sound in our little bubble of Christianity. WE go to church, WE pray, WE spend time with God. But what of those people that have yet to experience the love of God? Do we just sit back contentedly while Satan reigns in their life? I don't think so. Should we as Christians be content in our walk with Jesus? Once again, I don't think so.
I'm really getting tired of mediocrity. In my own life most of all. I think these past few weeks I've been too set on trying to be content instead of making something happen. Maybe I feel bad inside for a reason. Maybe God is trying to push me. Heaven forbid He'd want me to actually grow instead of be content.

I don't have all the answers. I don't have even my own answer. I just know that something has to change. Something has to be different about my walk. Something has to be different about my life. I think that my yearning for more is there for a reason, sometimes yearning for more (as long as it's in line with what God wants for us) is a good thing. It's something necessary. I think we need to stop lying to ourselves about being content, it's an excuse. We sit back far too often while people die around us, condemned to hell for eternity, because we were busy trying to be content.

Something in my soul just doesn't feel right. And maybe, that's okay.